Saturday, July 18, 2020

Beach Hopes

 Before we had my appointment with the oncologist we drove to the ocean. I needed to leave the house after being inside for 4 weeks and everyone else needed it too. It was easy to social distance and we didn’t come into contact with anyone. The ocean has always felt like a place of healing for me and a place I go expectantly for a spiritual encounter with God. I didn’t feel that way after this trip. I was pretty upset about it to be honest. I kept waiting for a breakthrough of peace in my heart, of comfort knowing He was with me and of hope. I left mad. Happy the boys got to have some freedom but disappointed with my expectations. And then I “went public” with my diagnosis which was incredibly hard and I wept after because it felt so much more real and I hadn’t actually said or typed the words “I have cancer” until then. And in the two days since I went public the outpouring of love and support and encouragement had left me undone. I feel humbled and undeserving and overwhelmed. But I also am feeling some hope for the first time and I am seeing that God is using people who feel called to action to bring peace and hope. I didn’t need to go to the ocean for it- I just had to be vulnerable and let people in. Thank you for being the hope and love of Jesus to me and my family. We will need it in the coming months



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