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Showing posts from September, 2020

Chemo Round 1

First they give me Benadryl (for any potential reactions- makes ya hecka sleepy ) and Dexamethasone which is a steroid that helps make anti-nausea work better. Those two drugs are put directly in my port from syringe. Then they give me Akynzeo which is the anti-nausea med. Next up are the Chemo drugs aka Cancer Killers aka Poison. Oxaliplatin and Leucovorin are given together over 2 hours. Once that is done I get another cancer killer drug. It’s the IV form of the chemo pills I took during radiation. 5-FU (FOLFOX) They give me a bolus(15-20min) and then they hook me up to pump and I come home with same drug. It looks like a ball and as it disperses the chemo over the next 48 hours it will shrink down. I get to wear it in my cute pink fanny pack instead of the ugly black bag they had for me. Now I sleep. Pray for minimal side effects. I had minimal effects with radiation and chemo pills so I am just going to keep praying the same way My amazing Mom was my chauffeur and I came home to 4


  Today is the first day of fall. My most favorite season. Today is also the first day of chemotherapy, the next season in my cancer journey. During autumn things die. The leaves turn gorgeous colors on all the trees but it’s because they are dying. If we didn’t know better, the months of winter that follow would have us believe nothing is happening. The quiet, the cold and the barren might deceive us into thinking there is only night and never day. There is only dark and never light. But we know spring lies just around the corner. We know that new life is about to emerge and we know that behind the scenes nature has been at work. In the unseen places, preparing for the next season. Each season brings with it the truth that it does not last forever. And in each season there is transformation that happens. Sometimes it looks like death but it’s just a shedding of the old to make way for the new. Here’s to a new season and the hope that comes with it.

How I Found Out I Had Cancer

I realized I never shared about how I found out I had cancer, so here it goes. Biopsy results from the colonoscopy came back negative for cancer, they were pre-cancerous. Because one of them was so big I was going to require surgery to remove it and then they would take the other one out at that time. We were relieved to find this out. My surgery ended up being more complex and my hospital stay was long and traumatic. They did not have my pathology results when I was released. They did not call me with the results. I had to wait for my two week post op appointment when they were removing my staples. Those were a hard two weeks. We went in to get my staples removed and a doctor came in explaining what they did in the surgery and why and then says “they were both cancer”. At that moment I stopped breathing and felt like I was going to pass out. I squeezed Trevor’s hand so hard. Then the doctor’s phone buzzed and he says “oops sorry I’m on call so I have to look at this”. He proceeds to t

Doing the Hard Things

Look at your long hair, with no grays peeping through. Look at his pre-beard baby face and the way the lights hit your eyes. Within the next 5 years of this picture your heart will break open when you realize how many foster kids are in your valley and how few foster families there are. You will do the thing you said you would never do and bring home a little boy. You would care for his mother and encourage her to give the new life growing inside of her a chance and you would watch a beautiful adoption story unfold because of it. You would see that little boy reunited with his Mom. You’d go on to advocate and speak at events and urge the church to move towards filling this gap and even write a book. You’d say yes to a little girl outside of your preferred age range and you’d raise her for two years before releasing her back into a broken and unknown situation. You would weep more than you ever thought possible. You would be ready for a long break of rest and healing. But then you’d hea