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Showing posts from 2018

Why I won't set goals for 2019

Over the last several years my husband and I have met with our best friends to go over our goals for the next year. The goals ranged for all of us, and while I had never really done goal setting before I gave it a whirl. Mostly I enjoyed the double date night out. I am here to say that after three years of this, I am quitting. Each year I have tried setting goals, something crazy has happened in the first few months of the year and it completely ruined and derailed everything right off the bat. Examples? A concussion from sledding which derailed my training plan for a race, a foster baby who was sick the entire time he was with us which derailed every single thing in my life but was totally worth it.  I am an all or nothing kind of person, for better or worse, and this just wasn't working. My goals became a list of things I saw at the end of the year that I didn't accomplish, glaring unchecked boxes of failure. Setting goals made me so hyper focused on accomplishing them that

The Wilderness of Foster Care

I have been fairly quiet in this space as it relates to Foster Care. I find myself at a loss for words most days, everything that can be said has been said and our family is in a season of waiting. This is a familiar space for me, one of wilderness. Rachel Held Evans says in her book Inspired, " Rarely do the people of God reach any kind of promised land without a journey or two through the wilderness " and that is the truth. " It is disorienting, it forces the point, it brings to the surface your fears and doubts and struggles. It strips you down to your essential humanity and inherent dependency. Here is where you find out what you are made of and who your family are. You are forced to leave everything else behind and quiet yourself and just listen" Eugene Peterson is one of my personal heroes and he passed away earlier this week. He translated the Bible into words I could easily grasp and digest in my daily reading called The Message. This January I decided

Mom Guilt- Fake News

Mom Guilt. This is not a new phenomenon- my own Mom shares stories of the guilt she has felt, and just like the guilt I have felt- it isn't warranted. The difference is we now have this double-edged sword called "social media". We get to see and experience what everyone and their *literal* Mother do during pregnancy, birth, post-partum, newborn days, toddler days, school days and beyond. We have an up close and personal view (sometimes too personal) about what methods are used for conception, birthing, and placenta care (yeah, this wasn't a thing when I had babies but holy hot topic now) We know how and why someone feeds their baby, how they sleep at night and what their thoughts are on crying it out and vaccines (by the way, I am pro both). On one hand this is great, we get to see a multitude of options and learn there is more than one way of doing this mothering thing. On the other hand, these methods are presented as if they are the best, the only way and


Abide Abide Jesus says, “Come...abide in me” Abide means to bear patiently, to wait. Abide Jesus says, “Come...abide in me” Abide means to bear patiently, to wait. When I slow my breath and take note of its rhythms I am forced to surrender other thoughts. I am intentionally learning to wait- but not for answers, for His presence. “I am the Way. The Truth and The Life” He says The Way The Truth The Life The Way the way of peace the way of hope The way of trust Of knowledge Of purpose The Truth the Truth I seek about who I am in Christ The truth about how loved I am The truth about my purpose All of this is found in Him The Life the Life lived fully The Life that breathes life into me The Life of sacrifice The Life of meaning Jesus is always the answer to the questions Ann Voskamp says “Peace is a person not a feeling” So I breathe slow The thoughts race and I push them asid

Beauty from Ashes

In this world of foster care there is always loss involved at every turn. Someone experienced loss at some point in their life which was not dealt with properly which lead to poor decisions which inevitably repeated throughout generations.  Loss begets loss and so forth. When a child comes into care the foster parents are eager to know and love these children while recognizing the profound loss they have just experienced by the traumatic but necessary removal from their family. Children want to be with their parents no matter how terrible the situation they came from is- it is hard to fathom but it is true. The loss of a child and the ability to parent that child is profound. The parents that lose the right to tuck their kids into bed, choose their clothes and kiss their owies love them deeply- it is never about whether they love them enough or not- it is about if they can safety care for them and that’s the hard truth. Our family is for reunification. We believe

The Kingdom Of God

I grew up going to church. Not only did I spend most of my weekends attending at least one service, I was also involved in serving other people on a regular basis. As a middle schooler I would work in the kids department, serving on the drama team or as a small group leader, or even in the nursery. As a high schooler I struggled to find any connection and found a safe haven in serving with the middle schoolers (that was my first and last time doing that amen). Soon after I graduated high school I was a young married and opened my home to many high school girls for bible studies, and served in student ministry at church. Outside of this I have a list as long as an Office Depot receipt of places I had served. Everything from the welcome booth to envelope stuffer... I'd pretty much done it all with the exception of anything music related. The Lord did not see fit to bless me with anything related to that, even though as a young person I prayed nightly for at least a