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Reflections on the Past and Discovering my Calling

As I was searching back through my blog, the years and years of postings, I saw such a diverse platform.

This blog started out of a broken place- my miscarriage. It was a place to share raw truth and find healing in pounding out my soul onto these keys, plastering my heart onto a screen.

It quickly morphed into a space where I met dozens of other people who were either expecting or had twins like I was about to. Twin life is unlike any other and I was desperate to connect with others who know what I was going through and  to see that others thrived.
I was being paid for advertising, I was getting asked to review products and in turn receiving free items.
I had a huge following and a schedule to follow and a network of people to bond with.

And then I began to feel pressure to keep up. I felt like if I didn't post 3 times a week I would lose everyone and what once started out as a joyful place to document our weeks and months turned into an obligation that wasn't a priority anymore.
 I had three kids under three and keeping up with the blogosphere world wasn't what I wanted. Sure, many SAHM's turned blogging into a full time lucrative business and I was heading down that path, but I didn't want it that bad. I didn't want to be tied to my computer. I had quit my job to stay home with my kids, being on my computer all day didn't mesh with my goals.

I felt uninspired and when I feel uninspired my writing sucks and it's forced and so I quit.

I let my domain lapse (regrettably) and I transferred everything to this domain and basically started over. Many of my pictures are lost, my followers long gone, but the content is still here and I'm here.

I write when I'm prompted to and it usually comes out full force, like a tidal wave. I have to sit and get it out or I will burst. I've learned to be okay with writing when I feel like it, and trusting in the fact that the people still reading this will glean something from it. The bottom line is, I write for myself, and I'm honored when my words meet someone else where they are at.

This season of blogging looks a lot like this: FOSTER CARE. That isn't my whole life but it's become a huge part of it and there is so much I am still learning and discovering and wanting to share about that it dominates my thoughts.

I have seen and experienced things I can't undo. I have been exposed to a world right here in my own community that is desperate for people to change, to not turn a blind eye to, to engage.

I get frustrated with people who seem to care less, I get annoyed with the frustrations and selfishness of others when there is real crisis happening in their backyard. I get real fired up and God is teaching me to slow down. I was once unknowingly ignorant too and I can't expect people to be at the same spot I am. I can only use my voice to share with others and hope they link arms with me.


The fact is, this is right where I am meant to be for this moment in time.







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