Thursday, June 29, 2017

Fostering the Whole Family

A lot of people get into foster care for the children. They feel like "if I can advocate for this child I can make a difference!"
And that is true, but the goal of foster care is reunification so unless you take into consideration the entire family and not just the child you are doing a disservice to these kids.

Let me sound harsh, but I am talking to myself mostly. I knew this reality with our first placement, it was easy to wrap around his mom to love her to encourage her to support her I had no problem with that. It was second nature to me, I didn't even have to think about it… I was doing it before I even realized it. 
Seeing her succeed as a Mom was incredibly gratifying.

This time around is been harder. Our situation is a little different in that we are really just a temporary home in the truest sense of the word temporary. Once our foster daughter leaves our care she won't be returning to her parents, she will be going to other family and that family will have her until she's reinified or they adopt her.

When we first got the call and we were told it would be 1 to 2 months because of the situation it felt easy, like absolutely we can just be the placeholder until this goes through! The fact that I don't work during the summer made this seem like a no-brainer.

As this has unfolded it has been far messier than I anticipated.  To say loving the entire family and playing on their team is a lot harder, is an understatement .

In the last few days I found myself in this mama bear mode where I felt like I would do anything to fight for her but I didn't care so much about the family. Things were said or not said to me, plans made against what we had worked out and I got mad. Real mad. 

This morning I had a real reality check. 

It is so like our Gracious Father to gently yet firmly convict you of your wayward self.

I was reminded of why we got into this- reminded that this is once again not about me and yes I am learning so much through this process but what is the bottom line? Do I truly care for this entire family? I need to. I may not agree with how things are happening right now,  I may not understand it at all and I may feel less support than I did last time because this is so much harder to explain.... but if I am for this sweet precious girl then I must be for her family and for what's best for her even if I don't understand.

To be sure, if I saw things happening that I thought were truly damaging to her I would speak up, and in cases where the reunification would be the most damaging of all- I would fight like mad for that not to happen. The reality here is that what I see is just the norm for the system and there's not much I can do about it. 

In my come to Jesus moment this morning,  I am once again faced with my failings as a human and the inate selfish nature. So I take a step back, let Jesus fix it and do my best to love. I have been loved at my worst, who am I to withhold that from others?