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Showing posts from 2017

Coming Soon: A BOOK!

The anticipation of walking into the unknown always feels a little reckless.
There are hard painful moments in foster care and there are incredibly joy filled redemptive moments. It always leave you feeling like you’re on the edge of something…wild.  
Just know, you aren’t alone.
“There are no safe paths in this part of the world. Remember you are over the Edge of the Wild now, and in for all sorts of fun wherever you go.”― J.R.R. TolkienThe Hobbit
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Even When: A Foster Care Manifesto

I will be faithful with what is in front of me, even when I cannot see the finish line.

I will give up my need for control, even when nothing ever feels sure again.

I will surrender the need to know every detail before I show up.

I will move intentionally through my day as to not miss a moment where His grace might leak through.

I will move closer when I want to push away.

I will be lay things down at the feet of the Father instead of carrying them around like a badge of burden.

Even if I never see good come from this, if I never glimpse redemption this side of heaven- I will remain.

I will embrace the chaos because that is where I am needed.

I will be a bridge and not an island.

Even when the storm is relentless and wreaks destruction all around me, I will hide myself in the only place I know that brings peace.

Even when things don't go as planned and my heart aches for justice- I will remain.

I will count all as a gift because there is treasure hidden to find if I am willing to …

Why I Share My Story

I do not have anything figured out. I’m learning as I get older I actually know less and less. And I’m okay with that. 
I am no where further along in my journey of faith than most.
To be honest, most of the time I feel like I’m on my hands and knees trudging through the hard stuff because the weight of everything keeps me from being able to carry it and move forward otherwise.
 BreƱe Brown says “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do”
The reason I share my journey is not so others might feel sorry for when things get hard, or feel I’ve somehow attained a level of faith you’ve yet to taste. It’s because I want to be honest about where God is taking me and that the journey is hard and not without casualty. 
I want you to know it’s okay to doubt God. It’s okay to doubt where you find yourself and it’s okay to wrestle with the hard things in the life and the bottom line is I want to point you to Jesus.
Why do we foster kids? Because…

Be Still

I am a people person. I need to be around people, I need to be doing something and I need it to be fun.
But I also need to recharge.
Since having kids I have lost the ability to just be. I feel like I constantly have to be doing something even if it's watching old Jimmy Fallon videos online. I really suck at resting. I am horrible at just sitting and being quiet and still and because of that I've become easily distracted and in need of some sort of brain stimulation nearly all day.
Clearly I know this isn't healthy and you know this isn't healthy, but it's hard to reteach yourself something especially in a fast paced world with 24/7 data at our fingertips. 

"Even when we are relaxing or daydreaming, the brain does not really slow down or stop working. Rather—just as a dazzling array of molecular, genetic and physiological processes occur primarily or even exclusively when we sleep at night—many important mental processes seem to require what we call downtime …

Willing to be Broken

I have been broken in a thousand ways and yet I keep returning to the thing that breaks me.
There is something in this space that is holy and sacred and I'm undone. 
I was a resister for so long- why hurt, why sacrifice, why be burdened?
Why add more to our full plates, change our family dynamic and enter a system of utter chaos?
I'm good here, where I am. Thanks.
I'm being challenged, no doubt.
I'm giving monthly to sponser kids, I'm going on trips to third world counties for goodness sake.
I'm not ignorant to the needs around me.

I whispered
"I'm willing... you know.... to be used, God."
So often those are empty words.
They are meaningless because they come with an asterisk.
A hidden clause that says, "except for this"

Anything but_____ fill in your blank.
Maybe it's unknown but it's there because you resist and resist and resist.  It's timing It's space It's finances It's security It's whatever 
People are …

Reflections on the Past and Discovering my Calling

As I was searching back through my blog, the years and years of postings, I saw such a diverse platform.

This blog started out of a broken place- my miscarriage. It was a place to share raw truth and find healing in pounding out my soul onto these keys, plastering my heart onto a screen.

It quickly morphed into a space where I met dozens of other people who were either expecting or had twins like I was about to. Twin life is unlike any other and I was desperate to connect with others who know what I was going through and  to see that others thrived.
I was being paid for advertising, I was getting asked to review products and in turn receiving free items.
I had a huge following and a schedule to follow and a network of people to bond with.

And then I began to feel pressure to keep up. I felt like if I didn't post 3 times a week I would lose everyone and what once started out as a joyful place to document our weeks and months turned into an obligation that wasn't a priority anym…

Finding Contentment

I have this thing about me, I think of it as a superpower, but for a long time I thought maybe I was crazy. Thankfully I took a "Strengths Finders" test and this thing came up #1. My strength is in activating things. I love to work on new things, be a part of a fast paced collaborative team that makes decisions that we actually carry out...and then I like to move on to the next thing. I'm not one for managing things, I've never wanted to manage and it turns out, I wouldn't be good at it anyway. I'm also highly relational, so whatever I'm working on should be about and with people- in other words, don't stick me with data, forms and input. I will die a not so slow death. Sometimes this strength can be a weakness because it can lead to distraction and discontent, and an unwillingness to be challenged in areas that are outside of that scope.

I've never been a person who had "one" thing they wanted to do. I've never been someone who jus…