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Showing posts from 2016

My Desert Season: It's okay to not be okay

I live for Fall in Southern Oregon. I enjoy winter, tolerate spring and wish summer away just so I can get to Fall. I know we are incredibly blessed to actually experience each season in their truest forms, from the occasional snow and ice, beautiful lush green, hot summer days and all the autumnal colors of the leaves you could imagine. Sometimes it's hard to find the good in the seasons. Maybe it's an endless season of bitter cold winter that leaves you feeling dry, the early darkness settles over you like a winter coat and you never take it off. A numbness creates a callous layer over your heart and instead of feeling everything, it just slides over you. It's too much. You long for a spring breeze to melt away the ice, to see new life spring up from the frozen ground and maybe catch glimpse of a rainbow promise in the sky. I've been there. In fact, earlier this year, one disappointment after another amounted to a whole lot of lost hope and doubt in God.

From Work to Home and Back Again: A Mom's Tale

I didn't know much, but I knew that one day I would be a stay at home Mom. I had known that from the time I was pretty young. I never felt pressure to do so and in fact my own Mom had worked part time outside of the home most of my growing up years. I just knew that was what I wanted to do. I decided at orientation day, after registering for my first semester at SOU that a traditional 4 year college was not for me. After spending a few more years working at a local coffee shop that I had been working at since I was 16, I decided to try something that had always fascinated me. Phlebotomy. A dear friend of ours had just gone to school and then been hired at a lab and encouraged me to do the same. I was pumped. I nailed every test and quiz and practiced drawing blood on my supportive family and friends. I immediately got hired at a integrative doctors office and began my career as a Phlebotomist, Shortly after being hired they began to expand and I set my eyes on becoming a Medical

The Good Parts of Saying Good-Bye

I've shared so much about the heartache of saying good-bye to our foster son. But honestly, having him here was really really hard. There have been a lot of good things since he left and I wouldn't be telling the whole story if I left those out. I was in a pretty dark spot for awhile when Little Man was here. I wasn't able to do the things that keep me afloat and I was struggling. So many people were willing to help, but I didn't even know what to ask for, or how to ask it. After he left we talked a lot about what sort of things would need to happen if we were to take another foster child in. There would be things we would have to do differently if we were going to not just survive in it, but thrive. It's so important to have the hard and honest conversations about how this sort of thing affects you and your family, otherwise you set yourself up for burnout and failure. Jack really started to hate school. He's an amazing student, extremely smart and has lo

Two Months Later

It's been quiet around these parts. Sometimes writing things down is so good for my processing, and other times I have to process first before I can write anything coherent. According to my last post we were preparing to say goodbye to our foster son. Preparing is a funny word. When I prepare dinner I have the ingredients at the ready, but there is nothing at the ready in this sort of situation. You wash the clothes and sort out the ones that he still fits in and will go with him. You fold and store the ones he has outgrown in his time with you, remembering each outfit and thankful you took so many darn pictures. You set aside the one pair of footie pajamas he came in, sniffing in the smell of them and tucking them in a special box. You sanitize the toys, boxing up the ones that are his and putting the others away in case another little one comes to stay for awhile. You then ask your husband to remove every item in the home that would remind you of him, the gate, the high chair

Shame and Sledding

I love road trips. Long or short, as long as I'm in the front seat to avoid car-sickness I am game. The last two years I've taken a long road trip...long as in, from here to Tijuana, Mexico in a 15 passenger van with our youth group. I've loved it. Good music, good but not  constant  conversation (at least in the nearly all guy van!) and just the sense of "getting away".  I'm unable to go this year, so instead I joined a group of students and adults on the annual winter retreat. This year, in a new place we were surrounded with snow. It was beautiful- there isn't a scene much more peaceful to me than mountains full of snow. It just projects a silence and calm that stills my fidgeting soul. The topic was heavy for the weekend, looking at the shame in our lives and trying to trace where it comes from. Becoming honest with ourselves and taking ownership of some things while allowing God to heal and mend the areas we've so poorly tried to fix o

Hello 2016- New Theme

There is something about a new year, isn't there? A fresh start. A new number to have to remember to write down. A beginning- again. I'm not into resolutions, but I am into goal setting. Tangible goals with dates and a reasons and ways to get there. I did a webinar with Michael Hyatt who does the best sort of training on goal-setting. He has several free resources as well as paid ones. I highly recommend just checking out his blog, podcasts and website . There is something there for everyone, no matter if you're a CEO of a big company or a stay-at-home Mom. If we don't set goals we get stale and stagnant and life passes us by. I'm excited about the goals I've set this year, excited about continuing to step forward in multiple areas of my life and about what God has in store for me, for us. My husband and I went out to dinner with our close friends, we refer to them as "framily" because they are friends who really have become f