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Showing posts from 2015

In the Waiting

in the waiting hushed voices, falling gently  snow quiet calms, listen  take a pause breathe slow in the waiting stretching, growing purpose making hidden low careful stepping abide in now in the waiting carving, molding forming cocoon weaving resting trusting linger here  In the waiting

Blogging in 2016

Despite the cough medicine with codeine I took last night, I couldn't sleep. I can't seem to get healthy, now dealing with's just lovely. I decided to go back to the beginning of my blog and read. I loved it. The pictures posted with my entries that I hadn't laid eyes on in years, remembering where I was and what God has brought us was just what I needed. I also realized that I missed blogging. I first blogged for fun, then as a journal to keep track of the kids, sort of like a scrapbook and then I was stepping into the world of reviewing product, networking and paid advertisement. And then I let my domain lapse and it was harder than I imagined getting things back up and running. I lost all of my following as well as my desire to write. Life got busy and I decided to only write when I felt prompted to, and that was nice. It was nice to not feel the pressure of keeping up with the blog and just writing occasionally. I realize though,

Eager for A Fresh Start: Goodbye 2015

I'm not going to lie, I didn't like this year. It started off with a devastating family issue and and the months that followed seemed to be sucked up in a black hole and now here we are, 2015 drawing to a close. I had some intention when the year started, some of it surrounding my kids and some around my health. Those specific intentions found their way to the back burner and I found myself just treading water most of the time. My emotions are a big part of me, I feel big, I carry things heavy and it can weigh me down. I felt that weight more this year than I ever have before. Burdened not only for myself, but for my immediate and extended family. I felt a burden to carry the hurt for them, the joy for them and to keep everyone moving forward. Not that I was asked to...but it felt very much like I was holding things together there for awhile. Pointing to joy in different areas and reminding us all there was still good happening. It was true, there was...but I exhausted myse

Imperfection is Okay

It's quiet this morning, the boys are all at school and I'm sitting down to pray, read and drink my coffee. I'm sitting at our new table that our friend made for us. I've wanted a farmhouse table for some time now, and when we moved it became necessary for our smaller space to have a different type of table and it would need to be modified. I asked (begged and offered lots of coffee) him to build it, and I asked if I could help. He's really good at this stuff, but he usually likes to do it alone, so I knew asking him to allow me to help was a give on his part, but I'm grateful he allowed me to be a part of the process. It is pretty incredible to watch a few pieces of wood bought at a local hardware store slowly turn into a beautiful piece of furniture. It's clear to me that it was not a coincidence that Jesus was a carpenter. The metaphors drawn from building and carving plain and often imperfect pieces of wood into stunning art that represents the carpen

What living like Jesus doesn't look like.

When we say we want to be like Jesus, I think we quite often, don't have a clue what that actually looks like. We say it because we sure do want to be loving and kind and compassionate, but we don't often think about the situations we will be in where these characteristics would be needed. We might need to show grace to the person who cut us off heading into Target because maybe they were having a bad day and Lord, Bless them. But grace for the twice pregnant teen mom who should know now "how these things happen"...nah, how about some "truth in love"? It's our duty, I'm sure to point out how wrong this is, and how they have messed up again. Compassion for the widowed Dad of three who works 50 hours a week between three jobs to make ends meet and needs food stamps to cover the rest, yes...he just needs a little help. But compassion for the lady with tattoos in line holding her iphone buying chips and soda with her food stamps? Nope, she must

Twelve Years of I Do

We had no idea what to expect when we said those two words, 12 years ago. We fully believed them in that moment, but we didn't know really what they meant. We didn't know that they would mean "I do" take you even when death swallows up two of our friends within a few weeks of one another when our covenant was still new and we were both suffering and had yet to figure out the best way to carry one another along. That on the heels of a family crisis that would send ripples through the years and can still be felt, "I do" meant even when we disagreed about how to handle the family we would choose each other.  And when roots of bitterness would threaten to choke out a relationship with them, and we could go red in the face on our sides of the fence, we would say "I do" to one another again and again at the end. "I do" sounds simple before you find yourself with a brand new baby who was born just early enough to need extra help, and once

Working With Teenagers: Redeeming My Own Lost Moments

Every Wednesday night you can find me at the same place. Behind a bar. Not that kind of bar....this one is called the Crow Bar. It was built with the intention of being a place teenagers could go to find resources to help them grow in their faith. Most of the time I spend talking with students, asking them how their meet was the weekend before. How did they end up doing on that test? That girl that drug you along for awhile, where are you at with her? I'll point them to a new book we have about how to deal with their crazy parents, or a cool new Bible Study tool and force them to sign up for cool trips. And more often than not I'm giving someone a hard time of the ridiculous word they played to beat me in Words with Friends. Basically I'm hanging out with teenagers and calling it volunteer "work" (best gig ever) I've always loved teenagers- shoot, when I was in high school and youth group sucked for me...I found myself serving in the Middle School are

Love Beyond Ourselves

Yesterday I drove to the river. I needed to get out and just breathe some fresh air and sit in silence. I drove to a place I often take pictures for people, and then headed down a little path to the edge of the water.  We never really had snow this past winter, so our snow-pack is really low which makes for a low river. Where I was sitting, it was hardly moving, but it was moving, if even I could hardly tell.  We've been wading through some difficult things as of late, some of which are heart-breaking. Daily I have been bringing it before the Lord, sometimes it's just an utter of desperation and other times it's with shoulder shrugging sobs.  Yesterday, by the river, I wept. I wept because my heart was breaking and I was angry and yet I knew that God was wanting to teach me some things, and that even though yes, there was devastating things going on around me, my own heart had so much to be worked on.  God is using the situations around me to point out to me the si

Get in the Word

Last year I really struggled getting into the Word. I often found myself reading some incredible books and blogs that also had scripture referenced in them and used that as my "scripture reading". It was a lame excuse and for 2015 my goal was to get back into the Word. I decided to read through the Bible in a year. I had done it before several years ago, and tried again another time, but I can get frustrated if I miss a day and can't mark off the box with a little check and then instead of reading catching up I just say "screw it" and give up. I found a plan on one of my favorite sites, She Reads Truth . Seriously, I can't say enough about this website. Go dig around and you will fall in love as well. I downloaded the App, signed up for the Read the Bible in a Year Plan, and haven't looked back. It's pretty incredible because, I have been at it for almost 2 whole months now and there have been some wonderful and timely nuggets from scripture, b

Face to Face With Your Soul

We are barely into February and this year has already been extremely hard. I didn't know what to expect when the year rolled from 2014 to 2015 but I do know I didn't expect such a hammering the first month. My husband has sung or played at far too many funerals already this year, and is also watching as a beloved friend and mentor makes his way toward heaven. There has also been other things, things that have quite literally knocked the wind from my lungs and brought me to my knees in the most literal of senses.  My heart is heavy. I know no other words to describe it. I ache from the hurt and destruction I see.  My response to some devastating news recently gave me a good look at the status of my heart. I reacted pretty darn ugly.   It was as if the depths of my carnal soul came pouring out and I hadn't realized there was so much of me left- and the need for so much more of Him. It was a reality check for myself, that I still have so much work for Him t

2015: Fine Tuning

The last two years has been for me, a place of learning to trust God in many areas. He asked me to be stretched, to take risks and to just jump. I did several things that I didn't think I would ever do, including going to two different countries without my family. When I felt God asking me to be ready to just go wherever, I did expect some gigantic move across the ocean and a dirt hut. Maybe not that scene exactly, but I did expect some major shift. When a few months went by and no major changes in job or location happened I was pretty bummed. Sure I knew that it didn't mean God wasn't working, or that it always had to look big. But I really wanted it to. God was definitely working, and I began to figure out really what I love to do and where I love to serve and kinda figure out what makes me tick. It was awesome. God was working in lots of little areas, but I've kinda always held out for something bigger. I am an optimist, and I'm a future dweller and dreamer,