Wednesday, May 28, 2014


I never cease to be amazed at how God sews the threads of our lives together with others. How we are all connected in this crazy beautiful mess and how it's all for His glory.

Soon after we recognized that God has opened our hearts to adopting we received an email about a newborn baby girl in our area. Her name was Sarah and her biological Mother was going to put her up for adoption and they were hopeful to find a local family that would love and honor this sweet baby and be a perfect fit.

We looked at each other and thought, "All ready!?"

We began praying and asked for some more information. We received another email and then we made a phone call. We were able to get much more information and decided to alert our family and close friends, asking them to be in prayer for us as we sought God's direction in this. We asked for prayer for Sarah, for protection and safety as well as for her future family- whether it was us or not.

We had another phone call soon after and through prayers and continuing to hear more we both felt that we were not to move forward with this little one. We continued to pray for her and for her future forever home, wherever that may be.

Not too much time went by and a friend texted me to tell me that her dear friend and her husband who had been waiting years for a baby had a possible adoption in the works and asked for prayer. She was beyond excited but also fearful for her friend, that something would fall through. After a few texts I realized this could be the same baby and so I asked...and it was!!

 I couldn't believe it! This baby girl was possibly going to be adopted by someone I sort of knew and KNEW they had desired a child for so long.

I was so excited to share with Trevor and our family and friends who had been praying, and asked them to continue praying. I got the contact info for this friend of mine's and told her about how we knew of this baby girl and how crazy it all was, how we had prayed for her and for her future Mom and Dad and the whole thing.....with tears in my eyes!
 From then on I was able to stay in the loop and follow their story.

Adoption is a beautiful thing, but it is also broken. There is heartache in the best adoptions, there is always a loss for there to be a gain. The bio family, the adoptive family, the much of God's redemptive story is seen in the adoption story.

Today, after a year and a half of hoop jumping and paper filing and waiting and court dates and meetings....little Miss (now Gracie) is officially and legally the sweet daughter of my friend Cheyenne and her husband Ryan!

How God wove our threads with Gracie's, to pray for her and her future family that we would actually astounds me. I wrote to Gracie, my perspective and how I am so thankful God allowed me to be a part of her story in the smallest way. I look forward to watching her grow up into the person God has created her to be and I am beyond thrilled for Cheyenne and Ryan. Gracie, so prayed for, so longed for and so loved.

You never know how God will use you, most times you will never see the other end of a prayer. Sometimes you get blessed and you watch it unfold. Be faithful with what God puts in front of you.

Personality Types

On this journey into figuring out what makes me tick, what I'm passionate about, created to do, built for...I've learned a lot about my personality. I'm not one to think everyone fits in a box perfectly but it is clear to me that personality types are legit and if you know what gets you pumped and where you excel and what gets you stressing it can help you a ton!

I think everyone should have their stressors written across their shirt so that when they get spinning people can identity why and how that happened. It would probably solve a lot of problems :)

For instance, in the well respected and used Briggs Myers test, I am an ENFP.

Here is what that looks like

My husband on the other hand is an INFJ (also the most uncommon one).....

Notice how his strengths are what stresses me out? On one hand I figure I cause him a lot of angst haha, on the other hand we balance each other out really well (apparently our match-up of personalities is the best for both of us)

One of my best friends is very opposite of me, in fact this is a good representation:

Man, I'm glad she puts up with me! Knowing this helps me see things from her point of view, helps me understand where she is coming from etc.

I recommend doing this in your relationships for sure, especially if you are married.

I used to think I just sucked. I couldn't stick at something for very long- be it in ministry at church or something else, I just got bored and was done. I really thought I was just lame.

Turns out, it's a strength. I'm a "fire-starter". I can get you excited, I can get ideas up and running and gather people around and cheer you on and it's AWESOME. But then when it comes to managing it, and all those details.....I'm out. I can't do it, that is what burns me out and gets me stressing.

Finding this out has really started to change my perspective and I realize that I must always team up with someone who thrives when they are managing details and organizational aspects of things, otherwise I will crumble and die. I always need to find the balance for what my endeavor is.

That's so good for me to know, but also a challenge because I like to be in charge and I don't like to be micro-managed, so I must find someone I can trust and who gets me.

This also helps when you also take your Enneagram and Strengths Finder- put them all together and BAM- you have yourself a very good idea at what you SHOULD be doing. It's good to know our strengths and weaknesses, not only so we understand how we process things but so that we can challenge ourselves to work on those weaknesses and be aware of them.

Here are a few links for the shortened version of the Myers Briggs Test

-Personality Pathways- (way simple, might not nail it but could give you a good idea)

-16 Personalities- (this one does a great job)

-Humanetrics- (my favorite)

Saturday, May 10, 2014

For those with empty arms and aching hearts

I am thinking of you today, you who long to be called Mommy. A day like Mother's Day feels like a cruel finger pointing in your face- lying to you that you don't yet matter.

Maybe you've tried for years, or maybe just a month. Maybe you've lost a precious one or maybe you know you never will hold your own.

We don't celebrate our Mother's and each other to rub it in to you, but I know maybe it feels that way. Maybe you avoid social media and church this weekend fearful of the posts, the noodle necklaces from kids being worn and the sermons about just Mom's. 

Maybe you read online that your friend "can't catch a break for 5 minutes without hearing Mommy screamed ten times" and you long to hear it said just once. 

Maybe people keep asking you and your husband "Well, when are you going to have kids?" and you smile and nod and your husband squeezes your hand tight and they don't know you've tried for years but it doesn't matter....

Yesterday I was in the bathroom for two minutes and the 'Mommy!!' didn't stop...and I cringed but then remembered that sweet Mama who just lost her only son on Friday in a freak accident and how she would give anything to hear the nagging behind her bathroom door.

You see Mom's complain online about never getting a break, the sick kids that need full attention, the crazy and long days and all you long is for all of that. You know we take it for granted and you quietly ache as we forget what it was like when we too longed for a little one.

You're not forgotten here.
 You matter.
 He knows your desires, the aches in your belly and in your arms.
 I see you. I am thinking of you today
. You matter. You are precious and not alone.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

On Friendships

I've been thinking recently about friendships.

How blessed I am in this season of my life, to have the friends I do.

When you are little friendships are really just about socializing and finding someone who likes to play the same things as you. Sometimes, those random friendships last your whole life and while it's not the same as weekly play-dates, you still keep in touch and care about one another.

After marriage friendships get harder. Some of your friends aren't married, and that's just not the same. Some of them are but they have kids and that's not the same either. It's a total transition time and you're trying to adjust to that new married life and have friendships that understand. The same goes with becoming a Mom. You are desperate to find people who understand where you are coming from and are okay talking about kids a LOT because that is your life and that is what matters right then.

People start to grow up and the silly things that used to matter don't anymore, and you need and want a friendship that isn't shallow.

I don't care for small talk. In fact, I often just put my head down and walk quickly so that I don't have to do small talk. I would rather sit down with a cuppa and get deep and personal. That's just who I am. Go big or go home. This is good yes, but also I tend to keep myself from opening to other people because I can't go deep and personal with everyone, so why try. I have to find a balance of being relational with the acquaintance and then having friends that I bare my soul to.

I have those friends. I text those friends every day. We meet once a week with our families to dream and pray together. 

One of these friends I have known for years, but we never hung out. Then organically it happened and now she is who I call first if I need help. In an emergency, after my Mom it's her.  She's the person I text for immediate prayer. She's the person who encourages me after just spending an hour walking or running with. She became the person I trusted the most before I ever realized it. She's not super mushy, but I am. We are similar but also quite different. She and Trev actually have more of the same tendencies and that's probably why I love her so much.  :)  

It's not just fluff. It's the challenge to live better, to be a better person and a better wife and Mom. It's that challenge to do this life better that I couldn't known or expected. It just happened. I am so thankful it did. 

We need friends. Real friends who want to know how we are really doing. The ones that don't ask, they just show up with coffee in hand. The ones who challenge you to live better, to dream more and to love deeper.  We can't do this life well if we don't have people around us heading the same direction. 
Sometimes I feel like I'm just hanging on for dear life, and I've grabbed these people who are feeling the same and we hold on to one another like life jackets and close our eyes tight hoping and praying we make it through the storms. 

Thank you friends. For loving me despite myself. 
For being who you are.