Thursday, February 13, 2014

Letting Loose to Burn it Up

Last year at this time I had just landed in Haiti.

First time leaving my kiddos for more than a night, first time being away from my husband for more than a few days and first time in a third world country.

I met up with a group of ladies I had never met before (which is nerve-wracking enough because...well, women.)

I wasn't scared, I wasn't nervous. I was hungry.

Hungry to see what was out there. Hungry to meet Jesus in the dirty places, the forgotten places, the looked-over places.

I had jumped, I had done something that financially didn't make sense but God provided. I had done something I said I was scared to do, for selfish reasons alone.

What happened was friendships formed that will last forever, an awakening to what really can work and be done in these places where the hope seems to hard to come by and a realization that truly I must be about Him in all things.

I had told whatever you want. Use me, use us however you please. This trip was a piece of that, but not the whole pie. 

It was a step of surrender, not the completion of surrender. 
I will practice surrender until my last breath.

There will be more. Some days it will be a personal battle, some days it will be big and some days it will be small. Some will be tragic and some will be bliss.

If I say, "use me for anything" and "waste me on you" must cost something.
It isn't sacrifice or surrender if it doesn't sting...

It will burn 
It will tear
It will break
It will crumble
It will shatter
It will rip

And what will come in it's place?

Nothing that looks like what was there before. It will be made new. It will not be made according to your desires or your thoughts. 

Completely reborn.

It's a little scary to talk like that. It's a little frightening to type those words. I treasure most my family and my security. When those things are threatened my instinct is to hold closer, cling tighter, curl into a ball and protect what I believe is mine. Learning instead to open up my clinched fist and release....that is the every day. That is the place I battle, the trenches I war through.

Giving up my right to protect, to plan, to control. Letting loose what isn't even mine to begin with.

Because what is waiting for me, on the other end of trust... is absolutely worth it.

Lord, may I not be satisfied with moments of surrender, but to be constantly seeking You to refine me in every area of every moment.
I pray that from the moment I wake up, no matter the cost, you will burn me up.
Set fire to what needs to be ash, in order for You to move.
To bring glory to your name.
And even when I say I take it all back, when it hurts to much to go on...
remind me of the end result, the eternal result and press me into You.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

The Haven Mentoring Project

I have dreams of a home for young moms, not quite ready to be on their own yet...but not quite needing 24/7 monitoring.

I have dreams of a coffee shop, where the employees are teen moms, working to gain experience and earning an income in a fun environment. 
Child care would be free for them.
They could study there.
They could eventually take classes of some type there.

I can't do it all right now. 
It will take time, networking, fundraising and time.

But I can do something.

I spoke at what's called Fight Night, this past Monday.
I shared my story, about how God has called me outside my comfort zone and is teaching me how to LOVE like HE loves and not how others love.

I shared about how He has called each of us to live an audacious love and that each of us have gifting and talents we can use.

I shared about how at first I was worried this "itchy" feeling inside to do more meant that I wasn't content being home with my boys.
That people would judge me for wanting to do more.

I shared about how it's not about filling up our calendar, it's about doing what He has called us to do and letting the rest go.

I shared how he called me to start this mentoring program for teen moms and how I still have no idea what I'm doing, but He does so it's okay.

The Haven Mentoring Project is working with our local home for pregnant and parenting teen moms who have no other place to be.
We will provide mentors for these teen girls and their children to provide encouragement, support and love while they navigate life as a teenager and as a mom.

I am beyond excited about what God is going to do with this, and I know that as time goes on more dreams will come and more will be fulfilled but right now...this is where it's at.