Friday, September 28, 2012

Being Present For Our Kids

One of my fondest memories growing up is lying in bed at night, chatting with my Mom. It didn't matter if it was a school night and we had to get up early the next day. Or if it was a weekend and I had just returned home from a football game and Shari's.
We almost always talked at night, there was always time for that.

Never an "it's too late tonight, we will talk tomorrow". 

It was always on the table.

I believe that I am as close to my Mom now because of those moments growing up, and especially those moments in high school.

I know my sister agrees with me wholeheartedly, because my Mom did the same with her.

I hear Mom's talk about how when their kids are so young, that's when they need them the most.
I think your kids need you at every stage, but I think it's those 
teenage years that are more crucial. 

Those years when you are grasping onto anything trying to figure out who you are, while dealing with friendships and hefty loads of homework and the opposite sex, and what you want to do with your life.

Pivotal choices are made in these years, and if you haven't established open communication with your kids when they are young, you can lose them here....I saw many of my friends fall into the wrong crowd, make wrong choices that forever have affected their lives.

I always knew I was safe with my parents. I could tell my Mom everything, and I did.
 She mostly listened and let me talk it out only offering something when she felt I needed her to, or when she knew she really should.

It was safe, and she made sure from the time we were young that we knew we were always loved, we could share anything and nothing could change how she felt about us.
She made time and space for us and was present every time we needed her. The same really goes for my Dad and I know as I type this how blessed I am. To have the relationship with both of my parents that I do, I know it's rare.

I dreamt of bedtime cuddles and talks about boys with my daughters, 
but when my three little boys came along I did fear that I wouldn't be able to have those talks. It wouldn't be the same because they are boys. Those talks will be with Dad and that's okay. 

I was wrong.
I started lying in bed with Jack looking at the stars on his ceiling cast by his turtle night-light months ago. 
I would ask him things, and listen. 
We'd snuggle and then I'd say goodnight. 

Now he asks for me to stay and look at the stars.

The other night, our conversation went like this:

"Mommy, stay and look at the stars with me"

"Okay buddy"

"Do you want to talk to me about God?"

"Of course I do....(tears forming in my eyes) He loves you very much, more than I do"

"Do you talk to God"

"Yes. When I'm scared, when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I am excited! I talk to God all day long and you can too"

"You get scared? And then you talk to God?"

"Yep. I tell God I'm afraid and I need Him to fill me with his peace....and guess what?! He does"


"I love you Mommy"

"I love you too buddy"

And then I left the room and cried. I never thought I would get these moments, and I know that it will change a bit and when he's a 17 year old boy we won't lay in bed and look at the stars, and that he and Trevor will go camping and on runs together and do the "guy talk thing" like they do and like they should.....but I know that what I'm establishing now is that I have time for him, and that I want to talk to him about the important things and listen to what he has to say. And I know that this will carry into those years when he is struggling to find out who he is and he will know that I will always have time for him and that I want to talk to him about this heavy stuff.

I never say no when he asks me to stay. Not if there are loads of laundry, a work-out to be done or I am bone tired. I will always have time for this. Nothing much matters more.

Linking up here today....


  1. So super sweet. I have girls & I hope to have countless "girl talks" but there is just something about mama's boys. Thanks for the early morning tears :) <3

  2. This is wonderful. It sounds like your mom gave you a great legacy to carry on with your children.

  3. Definitely got teary eyed. I so look forward to those moments with my little guys. What a sweet, tender spirit Jack has, You are blessed!

  4. this brought tears to my eyes. So very true Krystle, THANK YOU for this reminder.