I have been following Kelli for as long as I have been blogging, really. She is a twin herself, and has three adorable children. She is an encourager in it's truest sense and a great writer. She blogs at Living Life with E's I know you will be blessed by her today, and don't forget to go check out her blog! Thanks again Kelli for being my guest today!
Thinkin’ and Feelin’!
When I originally thought about my guest post for this blog, I thought I would write about being a twin, for sure. Because, that would just be fun…giving my perspective on being a twin for a blog belonging to the mother of twins, great fit…I thought. I could write about all the times we finish each other’s sentences or how my husband still has a hard time telling us apart over the phone…and we have been married for 12 years! I could write about how I was the flexible, more laid back one and she was more rigid and determined. I could write about how when people ask me what it’s like being a twin, I am not sure how to answer that question because….well, since I was 2 minutes old I have been this way so I really don’t know any different!
|Kelli and her twin :)|
But then, there He goes again…with His way of making my mind completely devoid of anything except for what he wants me to write about. There He goes again with the gentle prods of a Father pushing me in the direction He wants me to go rather than just allowing me to do my own thing…which I am so much better at doing, really. Until today, I had my post all planned out, you know the twin post…but my mind can’t complete it because it’s not what I am supposed to write about. So, I give in God…I’ll write what you want me to…fine, have it your way! I sound like my 5 year old right now, but in some ways I guess bending to authority just doesn’t ever get any easier.
I was in a church service this past Easter Sunday, we were out of town and it wasn’t our home church. So, I was a little distracted by the enormity of the sanctuary, how much I liked the music, and goodness…I should have worn a camisole under my shirt because every time I lean over, well…it’s just too much! So, I don’t remember a whole lot about the sermon, but one thing the pastor said has stuck with me since that morning, he said…”You’re feelin’ what you’re feelin’ because you’re thinkin’ what you’re thinkin’ …which then causes you to act the way that you act! At first glance, you probably don’t see anything real profound to that statement, so let me show you what he meant.
The alarm goes off, I get out of bed and stumble over to my desk and begin my time alone with God, but it’s cut short because the littlest of my angels has decided he needs to get an early start to whatever mischief is on his schedule for today…I instantly think, “gosh, I never finish anything!”. I change his diaper and head off to my beautiful 3 year old daughters’ room and smell something that should justify a big biohazard bag over our entire two story dwelling and I think to myself “that Miralax, it’s either all or nothing and I will never be able to potty train her, it’s just overwhelming…and with the Down Syndrome and low tone, I can’t do it!”. I clean up the “mess” and start making breakfast when my oldest decides to completely disobey my simple request and ends up in his room, and we are only 20 minutes into the day…I think to myself “why won’t he obey me, I must be doing something wrong, I must not be a good mom if he can’t even do what I ask”. For an instant I escape in my mind to the beach and watch the waves crash on the shore leaving a scattering of seashells, some whole, some broken…and I think how nice it would be to be there, by myself. I am shaken back to reality by the thought of “how could you want to be anywhere but with your kids, they are a blessing…and shame on your for wanting to be anywhere else but here!” And the day goes on…just like that, and I wonder why I feel terrible about myself as a mother and as a person. Before lunchtime, I am feeling depressed and overwhelmed.
I am like a sports commentator giving a play by play on each and every situation throughout the day, the problem is…the commentary isn’t accurate, it’s false and it only serves the purpose of drowning me in a huge pool of discontentment with myself and whatever situation I find myself in. Is anyone else out there being served an oversized portion of false thinking? According to the pastor…It’s no wonder I am feeling and acting defeated some days…look at what I was thinking about!
So, of course, being that God is as amazing as He is…he has been showing me a verse and it keeps popping up all over the place. You see, He has to do that for me to “get it”…he has to beat me over the head 101 times before I finally see it and say “oh, I guess that’s what you’ve been trying to tell me!”
2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV)
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
My God, who loves me enough to give his one and only son to die on the cross for my sins, NEVER thinks of me the way I think of myself. He loves me, all of me…even with all of my shortcomings! So, how are you feeling today? Do you feel defeated, fat, guilty, depressed, overwhelmed, anxious, fearful, or ugly? Check-in with yourself, what are you telling yourself as you go about your daily routine? What do you tell yourself when you don’t accomplish your goals for the day? What do you tell yourself when you step on the scale and it doesn’t reveal the number you wish it did?
So, what do I do about these thoughts that creep in so fast and furious? Well, I am working on “taking them captive”…. and beating them down with the truth. I think it’s a bad habit that we develop, a bad habit of allowing our thoughts to define who we are because we start believing them. We assume that because we thought them…well, they must be true! But the reality is, sometimes we can’t help it when a negative thought about ourselves occurs, but we can choose not to indulge it and we can choose not to believe it, we can choose to see ourselves as a forgiven child of God that was bought with a price…a huge price! After years of believing whatever negative thoughts creep into my mind about myself, I have a long way to go to change this habit of mine, but I think the journey will be worth it!
Kelli is a wife and mother to the "E's" (Ethan & Emily and the newest addition since starting her blog, Chase!). In her words: The ramblings found on this blog run the gamut because...well, my emotions are that way. I started writing here as a way to keep our family and friends updated on the progress of our youngest who was unexpectantly born with Down Syndrome. Now, I write to advocate, connect, and share our experiences as we travel the path that was chosen for our family.