Tuesday, February 14, 2012

This Valentine's Day is much much sweeter....

This Valentine's Day is extra special for me. 
It's the first Valentine's Day with all of my lovely men, at home together.

Last year, in the wee hours of the morning on Valentine's Day...our boys went in for their car-seat test.
The last step to getting released for home!
We fell into a deep sleep and were awakened by the NICU nurse who said that Christian failed his test and they would have to try again the next day.
While a total bummer, we knew that a car-bed was also an option if he didn't pass the next time.

Unfortunately, she came back in just a few minutes later to tell us that Christian was being admitted to the NICU.
After being placed in the car-seat, his oxygen level immediately dropped, so much so that they decided to test him while he was out of the car-seat and see where he was at.
He was doing the same things....basically forgetting to breath (which can be normal for babies, especially premature ones) but he wasn't remembering to start up again.
He was doing periodic breathing "with symptoms" as they call it.

I sobbed. Trev was still asleep while the Nurse was telling me, and I woke him up...I could hardly get a word out.
I managed to eek out the words "He's being admitted for not breathing" in between my hysterical sobbing.

This is what we had prayed for so many months...that neither boy would be admitted to the NICU.
We'd walked that path with Jack and it tore me up. I did not want to do it again.
It was one of my biggest fears.
And here I was facing it.....

Camden did great, and was brought back to the room...where he slept in my bed, cheek against my cheek.
The next morning Camden's bilirubin levels were at the point of needing photo-therapy, and we knew....he'd be admitted too.
So, on Valentine's Day 2011....instead of getting in the car and bringing our two precious new boys home, we left the hospital empty handed.
It was gut wrenching.

No, they weren't fighting for their life, it was all due to being premature twins...very normal.
But it was not what I expected, wanted, prayed for, desired or hoped for.
I was devastated.

I knew too much about the NICU...about what doing that meant. And I hated it.
And the thought of doing that all over again, with two children and one at home...it was too much.

8 and 10 days...that's it. That's how long they were in.
That may seem like nothing to you, or if you have been their...you will know, that every day feels like an eternity. And it truely does.

I don't think I will ever know, really, why they had to go through that. Why we did.
I have several friends with babies, including twins, born around that same time and needed no NICU.
But, I do know that HE knows more than I ever will...and if I can help someone through their time in the NICU, if I can be a support to those that have to walk that road...I can do that. I can be that. 

So, today...on Valentine's Day....I'm kissing and hugging on my boys extra hard. 

Valentine's Day 2011


What the NICU made for us :)


  1. Happy Valentine's Day! Glad you are all able to spend it together at home! What a blessing!

  2. Oh, this brings back the memories. 16 days felt like for-freaking-ever. Every time I changed their teeny diapers I would cry. But you're right about being able to help others who are experiencing it too - just like with the twin thing - if you haven't been there, you just don't get it, and it really helps to talk to someone who does.

  3. I'm so happy you were all well and together this Valentine's Day! My baby had to go to the NICU as well, even though he was full-term (it wasn't for anything very distressing, they pretty much sent him there because the nursery was swamped and he needed a little more maitenance than the other babies. Anyway...), and it was a very hard experience for us. Like you said, though, I'm sure it was for a good reason!

  4. Oh how far they've come in a year! What a bittersweet way to spend Valentines - so glad that this year is full of as many cuddles as you want :-)

  5. Thank you so much for the beautiful comment on my blog! Appreciate your thoughts and prayers.. so powerful!! What an opportunity to serve.. Again, thank you for your prayers and support :)

  6. oh! so heartbreaking!!! How early were your boys? My two were 34 weekers and they both went right to the NICU but only stayed 12 days. I agree...it was "only" 12 days - nothing compared to some people's stays...but it felt like eternity to us! Glad you are all home and healthy this year!!