Monday, February 14, 2011

Boys are here...but then a curve ball.

Four days ago two little men arrived in this world and stole our hearts all over again. I'm not going to go over the whole story now....it'd be like 6 blogs worth :) But I hated the c-section that's for sure. He did amazing and I have no staples to take out....but my body did not like any of it.

So at 7:44am Mr. Camden Rhea entered the world butt first and eyes wide open!! :)  He was 5lbs 7oz and 19 1/2 inches long (which is disputed since we've gotten 3 different measurements but we're going with that) He is gorgeously mostly bald, and what hair he does have is white blonde. He has huge dark blue saucers for eyes and is fair skinned.


One minute later at 7:45am Mr. Christian Grant came into the world screaming and peeing on me :) He was 5lbs 4oz and 18 (again disputed but we're picking this since this is what they first called out) He has almond shaped dark eyes, lots of dark hair and seems to have a more olive tone to his skin.

We were told almost right away that both boys were fine and did not need to go to the NICU. We of course started crying tears of joy and relief. I was stitched up and we all headed back to the room together.

That whole day and the following 3 1/2 days were incredible. Friends and family coming to hold and love on our boys, both boys learning how to breastfeed, no sleep, lots of kisses and snuggles. The pain medication made me so sleepy but my mind wouldn't shut off. So over a 3 day period I was going on a total of about 6 hours of sleep.

Sunday night, the night before we were to head home they took the boys to the NICU to do their car seat tests. We decided to get some rest. Twenty minutes later they came in to tell us that Christian had failed his test immediately. So, yes we were bummed but we knew that car beds were an option if he failed again the next day. Thirty minutes later I was awoken from what felt like the sleep of the dead to the nurse telling me that Christian was being admitted to the NICU.

They decided to monitor him after he failed the test and found that his oxygen levels were dropping into the 80's and sometimes 60's just laying on a bed.
Camden passed his test and was brought back to our room.

I cried a cry so deep that it felt as if all the stitching from the surgery would break away and I would split open. Why? How is this happening? He was FINE at birth and had since had perfect check-ups from the pediatrician and nurses with no sign of any struggle.
Later that morning we met with our pediatrician to discuss what was going on. Christian has periodic breathing, which means his breathing slows down too much and sometimes requires a bit of stimulation to get it back up. It's not true apnea because he doesnt' completely stop breathing. He worsened over the first 12 hours and in addition to a small amount of oxygen being puffed into his nose, he had caffeine treatment which they hope will jump start his respiratory system. This is what we are praying for. He will be in for at least 10 days. He also had a high bilirubin test so he is under photo therapy lights.

Because they were both on the early side, we were finger feeding them in addition to breastfeeding just to get their weights up and nutrition up until they could be sustained on breastfeeding alone. Christian is a great breast feeder, which makes it all the harder to at this point have to go to pumping instead of breastfeeding.

We were thrown another curve ball when later in the day Camden's bilirubin level came back on the high side. We decided instead of waiting for it to worsen, which is most likely would have given his demeanor today and the fact that his is premature, we would admit him now just for photo therapy and get a head start. So Camden was admitted to the NICU this afternoon. Since his issue is just one of jaundice, he will be released when his levels are better and continue to improve.

We left the hospital today with no babies. Two empty car seats and hearts so sad. We know they are being well taken care of, and we know they are not SICK. They are early and they are acting their age. They just have to grow out of this stuff with a little help.

What's frustrating is why did we get 4 days before this? It feels like a cruel joke we were told. They were fine, no NICU and then the day we were to be released they admit them both. Four days of bonding and holding and loving and now they lay there with barely any human contact. It makes me so sad, and I feel like we abandoned them. Are they wondering where we are? Why we aren't holding them anymore? Why they aren't breastfeeding?
I feel upset because I know so many 36 week babies that were fine. No NICU time at all. Some of you are even readers of this blog. Why my kids? Why are my 36 and a half weekers struggling so much when others go home with no issues? It seems so unfair.

It was so good to come home to Jack today. If we didn't have him this would be so much harder. But he was ready for us to be home, and we were too. We'll go down as often as we can and I will continue to pump for them and when they are able we will breastfeed again along with finger feeds.

My prayer is that Camden will come home very soon and that his body will not relapse into a high level. That when he comes home he is home to stay.
My prayer is that Christian only needs this one dose of caffeine and after 10 days will be released with a perfect bill of health and nothing for us to be afraid of.
And that our hearts are healed. We just feel broken and exhausted beyond belief. My eyes are puffier than I've ever seen them and I'm so exhausted. My husband is functioning barely on auto-pilot and along with carrying the burden for his kids he sees me and is carrying my burden as well.

We just need your prayer. We need God to move quickly and that this time would fly by with no more blips in the road and no surprises. That soon we will all be home together.

Snuggle Bugs :)
Christian on the left and Camden on the right

First family shot minus Jack of course :)

First time holding them both...and wow do I look haggard.


Christian in the NICU and you would not believe how much this looks like Jack!

Camden in the NICU

18 comments:

  1. Oh Krystle. First of all, CONGRATULATIONS! Your boys are beautiful and I cried tears of joy when I was looking through their pictures on Facebook. What a remarkable joy new life truly is! And to have it doubled over... you are blessed! But I am so sorry to hear that you had to come home without them. Being one of your readers who had a 36 weeker with no NICU stay, all I can say is that I am so sorry. I don't know the pain of having to leave the hospital without your children... but I can only imagine...as I have dealt with only the thought of it. My heart is aching for you and your beautiful family to be TOGETHER. I am going to be praying for those two little men that they can come home to their beautiful airplane room and their big brother and mommy and daddy SOON. You are loved, and I know that God will be so faithful to you during this time. I can't even imagine how you're feeling... but I am praying.

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  2. Oh Krystle I am praying for your whole family right now. God knows, and all I can say is that these are His babies too...His heart is for them 100% and loves them so much. He is taking care of them...during those times when you worry about if they are wondering where you are, or why you arent comforting them just remember that the Lord is there with them..comforting them and loving them. Rely on HIM, let God carry you through this..He wants to, He knows it is too much for you and Trevor. Im praying and Im here for you. Stay strong mama. <3 Becky

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  3. Congratulations on the twins. your story brings back some many emotions. I was ready to be discharged and when the nurses informed me that I would be leaving alone. I knew that I would be leaving one of my boys in the NICU, but never in a million years did I think both would be there.

    I am praying for your twins; praying they will get strong and healthy quickly so they can join your, Trevor and Jack at home.

    BTW... love the first picture you posted, I has one similar and it's my favorite newborn picture of them.

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  4. i found your blog on multiples and more and love it. i have 18-mo-old twin boys. i am so so sorry you had to leave your boys behind. our boys were born at 37 wks, 3 days and one of ours had to be in the NICU for 10 days also. it's the WORST pain to leave the hospital without your baby; it's unnatural to a mama's heart. all i could think though was what if i had gotten him home and something had gone wrong there while he was asleep or something and i had not noticed?? i still hate that cullen (my boy) had to be in the NICU but as you know this will be a tiny blip on the radar of his life. also i had to pump for him and my boys still nursed FABULOUSLY all year! and i am glad i had to pump at the beginning b/c it helped give me a STELLAR supply!! i will be praying for your boys to get to leave soon & healthy. sorry that you're hurting right now :(

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  5. I am sending prayers that both will come home to you very soon. I had b/g twins at 33 weeks and they were admitted immediately to the NICU so I am a little jealous at the few days you got to have that immediate bonding (although I understand the pain of then being separated) NICU time is hard and stressful - try to get some sleep and heal from your surgery so you'll be in a better position to take care of them when they are at home.

    Katlyn

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  6. They are beautiful babies!! Ipray that their health imporves dramatically and you have your whole family under one roof very soon. I completely understand how you feel leaving babies at the hospital...I was devastated when our first set was born and we walked out without them. The second set was split with one coming home a few days before the other...still hard! It felt so wrong, and I too thought all those same things. The beauty of it is that what they will remember is all the love you give them in the years to come. This part is most definitely harder on you than them, if that is of any comfort!! ENjoy a few more days with Jack and they will be home very soon! Hugs to you!!

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  7. Hello, I just ran across your blog for the first time. I couldn't help but think about this verse after reading this post:

    God brings ALL things together for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to HIS purpose.

    I'm sure you are very emotional right now with the birth of your beautiful, precious babies and all the hormone fluctuations that go along with that and with their having to be in the NICU. Instead of looking at the "why" of their being in the NICU after thinking they wouldn't have to be there, I am encouraging and exhorting you to think like this: "We praise you, Lord Jesus, for taking care of our babies and tending to their needs. We praise you, Lord Jesus, for the four days that we were able to hold our babies before they went into the NICU. We praise you for every single thing because you are perfect and wonderful and your timing is perfect and wonderful!"

    If the Lord allowed them to be in the NICU, then you can know that's the best thing for them right now. I pray you get some really good rest because you are going to need it! LOL! Enjoy each moment! Congratulations on the birth of these precious souls and lives that the Lord has entrusted to you on this earth!

    With love in Christ,

    Denise R. from Texas

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  8. Oh, precious, precious mommy!!! I love the picture of the two snuggle bugs, sooo sweet!
    And now...you listen hear little momma: God gave you those four days for you to love on those boys and give them kisses and sustain them through what they were about to be up against...there are so many babies that go straight to NICU without interim of physical touch and love, it will surely make a difference, you'll see! And as for youf concern for hubby...I love it...and yes, his burden is more bc he does look to you and want to carry that for you...but God gives a man much more grace in that area than a woman, bc He knows the man carries the whole family, while we mommas truly do just carry our kids' burdens!! I love that your man looks to your burden to carry...it's the mark of a true spiritual husband!
    Thanks for sharing...gives me lots to pray about (I wasn't going to get on the computer before my quiet time this morning, but I needed to sign in to SSMT and saw your post...so glad I can spend time standing in the gap for you, lifting you and your whole family up during that time this morning!).

    Take care and update us all in bloggyworld each chance you can :)))

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  9. Oh Krystle! Congrats! And Hugs! They are great sizes and they will be fine! IF you look back through my blog, our girls had a similar start. I had preterm labor at just before 36 weeks, and I opted to halt it, since we wanted to avoid the NICU, an induction at 38 weeks that took FOREVER and then, our baby B, Emily was whisked off to the NICU with an obstruction in her trachea. She stabilized within the hour and we kept getting mixed signals about how long she would be in the NICU, some nurses said she would be back in a room with me, others hinted that she could go home when Elizabeth and I went home, and every time she was checked they found something else wrong, losing too much weight, jaundice etc. She was in for five days, which in the end was short, but at the time seemed so so long!

    Feel free to email me if you need to vent or have breastfeeding twins questions or anything! Even with the rough start, both girls STILL nurse like champs at 13 months!

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  10. Krystle, I cannot imagine what you are going through. I am terribly sorry that you are suffering this heartache. I will certainly be praying along with you.

    I like what Meg (above) said... "this will be a tiny blip on the radar" of their lives. I'm sure it doesn't seem like that is possible right now, but rest in the knowledge that God is at work and watching over those beautiful boys!

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  11. Congrats on your beautiful little boys! I know they will be home very soon! I know this is not the way you planned it, but they are here and heathly, just some minor set backs.
    Rest and get ready for madness! :)

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  12. Oh Krystle,
    My heart breaks for you!! But while I was praying for you the verse that Denise wrote came to me as well. Trusting and accepting are very hard sometimes. And...It really is unfair sometimes... But our plan and God's...I'm preaching to the choir. You already know all this!! Just rest in the peace of God's perfect plan. Maybe the Lord would like you to get just a little bit of rest!! I know it's hard but try and sleep!!!

    Loving you guys sooo much!!
    Karrie

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  13. Congratulations! It is so sad to leave babies in the NICU and it doesn't get any easier. But when you finally get them home it will be such a happy day. I'm praying for you and your family. You'll get through this somehow.

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  14. Krystal, I have been praying for you family since Thursday...well, actually long before that. and my heart is breaking for you, I know the pain of leaving one baby, but leaving 2...actually 3...you've had to leave 3 of your babies at the hospital. I also know that there is nothing I can say to make this pain go away...BUT the boys will be fine, they are in God's hands...I pray for both you and Trevor as you try to function during this painful time...

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  15. Your boys are so beautiful! I will be praying for you and them during this separation. Nothing is harder on a mother's heart than wanting to do and be more than we feel we are able to. Remember that God loves those little babies even more than your mother's heart does and He has no limitations. Your kids will have no lack of love with a Heavenly Father wrapping them in His Presence.

    May our sons flourish in their youth like well-nurtured plants.
    May our daughters be like graceful pillars, carved to beautify a palace. Psalm 144:12

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  16. hi sweetie, I didn't know I could do this til your mom told me. I cried when I read your blog, then Bonnie read it andd cried. We both agreed they are the most beautiful babies in the world. Just know that I am in continued prayer for all of you. Will be great when I can get down to see you all. gg

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  17. Krystle, My heart aches for you & your family! My emotions run as I remember walking out the hospital door leaving my precious little boy inside....almost 27 years ago! The hurt, the sadness, the questions, the what ifs... all multiplied because of total exhaustion! I guess we never forget. The only Words that heal are God's Words cling with every fiber of your being! He is your Rock, your Fortress, your Refuge, your Strength, your (their) Protector He is able! He is Faithful! Praying He will give you special passages that you can cling to during this time....Peace dear one! God's Peace - it goes beyond all our understanding!

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  18. They are beautiful! I didn't have time to read the full story, but wanted to see them, so excitied for you, I will be back to read all your posts about them. CONGRATULATIONS!!! SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!

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