Skip to main content

Emotions

This post will be random. Just an instant stream straight from my brain........

Tomorrow will be Day 6 for my sis. 6 Days of being in the hospital. Today was a bit better...but not as much as we'd hoped and prayed for.

Gotta keep praying

When my sister was 3 she had a tumor on her adrenal gland. Causing all sorts of issues. I was getting ready to enter 7th grade. My parents took her to the Portland Children's Hospital for surgery. So they could focus on her and not have to worry about me, I stayed with some family friends for the week. I understood, it made perfect sense. But I also felt abandoned, that somehow my being there would be such a hindrance to them and I'd cause too much of an issue. But all I wanted to do was be near my sister. I wanted to see her be wheeled away, and see her right after she was done. I wanted to be there when they told my parents it wasn't cancer and take her balloons and make her laugh. We're almost 9 years apart....she was/is literally my baby sister. I prayed for her. I loved her. I hated being away from her.

Now here we are....15 years later and I again can't be with her. I understand. It's not worth the risk to me or my two unborn baby boys. The doctors have just said it's not worth it, I have to wait. But it's killing me. It's tearing my heart up. I cry at least once a day. I feel just like I did back when she was 3. Helpless.  Again, I don't argue with the facts or the common sense, but that doesn't make my heart feel any better.

My birthday is this week. We were going to have a nice family dinner, my choice. I think we're going to have to postpone that. That's okay, right now...it's not about me..(is it ever?! haha) But all I want for my birthday is my sister to be healthy and home. I want to be able to snuggle her and smother her with my hugs. And talk. And laugh and cry.

The boys are moving like crazy today. As week speak, one is bouncing on my bladder and the other is trying to make more room toward the top of my stomach :) It makes me smile.

There is STILL so much to be thankful for. I posted a week or so ago about how we got robbed last holiday season. And how this one would be different. I still believe that. It's not Thanksgiving yet. And she doesn't have an incurable disease. She will get better...it might take awhile...but she will. And we'll get back to celebrating like our family does.

Thanks for praying. Thanks for checking in and caring. I really appreciate it.

Comments

  1. Still praying! I feel your pain, when you can't hold your sister...hold on to Jesus, cuz He's holding on to you (I just love that song).

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm so sorry, Krystle. You know, when someone is in the hospital we often think so much of them that we forget the impact it's also having on their loved ones. I'm praying for you today.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Win a custom header and grab button!

I'm super excited to have already reached 50 followers on my new blog here! I promised a giveaway and so here it is!

Melanie over at Elegant Custom Designs has donated her time and skills to design a custom header and a grab button for your blog! She does beautiful work, so I know you will be quite pleased! This includes installation if you are a Blogger user. If you use Word Press you will get the code, but you will have to install it yourself. :)
Here is how you can enter to win and make sure you leave a separate comment for each entry!

Mandatory entry: Leave a comment letting me know you are a Google follower!
Extra Entry: Follow Melanie at Only a Breath
Extra Entry: Tell me why your blog name is what it is!

This giveaway will end on Friday April 1st at 8:00pm West Coast time :) I will announce the winner that evening (if I can get on the computer hehe)
Good luck :)

BeautiControl Giveaway!

Have you heard of BeautiControl? This is an incredible line of skin care products that truly work! It's skin care, bath and body, makeup and men's care!
When I was pregnant a friend of mine who sells this came over and pampered me and a few friends, and then I started using the face system just before the babies were born. It did wonders. Then I ran out, and I put it off and my skin got bad again. And then about 2 weeks ago I started using it again. Wow. A visible difference in just two weeks. It looks better and feels better!
I am super picky about my skincare items, and I don't buy just anything.  Plus, I still struggle with breakouts. This stuff not only smells amazing, and makes my skin feel incredibly soft, but it does it's job.
They have a huge line that you will have to check out, just go over to their website and browse around! You can see if there is a consultant in your area and host a spa party!!!


Today I am giving away a Chocolate Indulgence Kit! Um, yummy.



It includes *…

I Believe He is Faithful

This past Tuesday I got a phone call from our caseworker that was nothing short of a gut punch. After hanging up the phone I started sobbing right there in the Pilot gas station parking lot. I had just had my hair cut for the first time in over a year, and was coming off of weeks of illness and texted Trevor that I was going to drive around for a bit and enjoy some quiet and fresh air. I pulled off to grab a bite from good ol Taco Bell when the phone call came through.  The words she spoke were the last things we wanted to hear- in fact they were the things we’ve been praying we would not hear this entire past year. It seemed unfathomable, and in fact is quite ludicrous which she herself admitted to thinking as well. I cannot imagine working for a system that so blatantly traumatizes children who have been victims of trauma already. It is hard enough as a foster parent to watch this happen. I cried, I texted Trevor I couldn’t come home until she was in bed, that I had gotten a phone …