I'm an emotional person. I cry very easily at commercials, while reading a good book, when someone else is crying. I get it from my Mother :) But I don't mind it, it's part of what makes up my compassionate side, my side that empathizes and sympathizes with others, and so I embrace it.
Worship has always been an emotional thing for me. When I'm lost in worship, when the words ring true to my heart and meet me where I'm at, I cry. Maybe just a tear, but it's there. But I've noticed something. Since my miscarriage in December, and the subsequent pregnancy of these twins, worship is 10 times more emotional for me. I feel like almost every song we sing ties into a feeling I've recently had, or something I've recently poured my heart out to God over. Or the words are a reminder I need to hear, a gentle nudge of what I already know to be true in my head, but my heart still fails me some. I find it hard to contain my tears most every week now. Sometimes I'm so overcome with joy that I just want to bawl. Sometimes I feel scared and it's that vulnerability that worship brings that makes me tear up. I feel so raw and exposed during worship and I think that's just how it should be.
I have been on this journey where I've had my hardest and saddest days, to where I have never been happier or felt more blessed....a roller coaster for lack of better terms. Along the way He meets me. It doesn't matter what kind of a week I've had, or day. Or the battles I've fought in my head, or the battles I've won. Every week it's a new experience, every time I enter in, allow Him to penetrate every crevice of my soul, He does something. He restores me, He heals me, He brings peace and hope and joy. What I love about my God is that this relationship is never boring. It never gets stale or dry, it's in constant movement. Each day brings new awareness of what He is doing in my life, each week brings a new obstacle that begs me to seek only Him. And each week brings me closer to Him. This relationship is unlike any other religion. It's alive. It's breathing. It's real. And I am in awe of it. I never want to take for granted what I have. And I never want to take for granted those moments in worship. I am so blessed to know that it excites Him as much as it does me when I come, willing to bear it all and trust Him with my heart.