Full Circle. An emotional weekend for sure....
Tomorrow I would have been 20 weeks along. 20 weeks. We would have found out the sex of the baby. We'd be calling him/her by name. It's a big milestone in a pregnancy, a big deal. And to realize that we're already at that milestone, but I don't have that baby inside me is pretty hard. Sometimes I feel like it was forever ago....in reality it was only 2 months ago. Not to say that healing hasn't happened in me, because it totally has! But there will always be some sadness and hurt, because I'm human.
Someone reminded me this week not to minimize this. And I really appreciated her saying that. When people say things like, "at least you have Jack" or "at least you know you can have babies"....it doesn't help. It just seems like something that would make people feel better, so people say it. And I agree and say, yes you're right. When in reality I want to tell them to shut-up. So...I was thankful for someone that was honest with me and understood it. She lost a baby 22 years ago and it still brought tears to her eyes.
A weekend of emotions, some happy and some sad. And I will say this until the day I die......God is the same NOW as he was before my friend lost her husband, and before I lost my baby, as He is NOW. He doesn't change. We sang that tonight at church ,"You stay the same through the ages, your love never changes. And when the oceans rage, I don't have to be afraid, cause your love never fails" Amen and amen.
"The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised." Job 1:21b