All The Wild Things

Full Circle. An emotional weekend for sure.... Tomorrow I would have been 20 weeks along. 20 weeks. We would have found out the sex of the baby. We'd be calling him/her by name. It's a big milestone in a pregnancy, a big deal. And to realize that we're already at that milestone, but I don't have that baby inside me is pretty hard. Sometimes I feel like it was forever ago....in reality it was only 2 months ago. Not to say that healing hasn't happened in me, because it totally has! But there will always be some sadness and hurt, because I'm human. Someone reminded me this week not to minimize this. And I really appreciated her saying that. When people say things like, "at least you have Jack" or "at least you know you can have babies"....it doesn't help. It just seems like something that would make people feel better, so people say it. And I agree and say, yes you're right. When in reality I want to tell them to shut-up. So...I was t

I realize it's been almost a week since I posted *gasp* I guess it just hasn't been a very eventful week! It has been so gorgeous here this weekend, so very refreshing! My son would live outdoors if he could, so getting to the park 3 days this last week was great for him. He's so funny, he could care less about the swings and slides and all that stuff. He'd rather just run.....and run and run and run. Up and down the grass, onto the basketball court, over the bridge and back. He just loves to run! And the best part is, he always looks back to make sure we're right there with him :) So, I'm pretty excited about some upcoming things this year. And I just had to share with ya!! *I'm starting week 3 of my "Couch to 5k" program, and it should be a good challenge! Feeling good, so I'm excited!! www.coolrunning.com *My sweet husband and I are going to see my all time favorite Pride and Prejudice at the Shakespeare Festival this Thursday (and dinner t

So, I'm finally writing about our getaway to Brookings! I have accepted that yes, we are home, and I have to move past 'vacation mode'! I can't begin to say how wonderful our trip was! Minus the carsickness that Jack had on the way up, and the stench of vomit lasting until we were able to fully wash the car seat cover.....the trip was perfect! :) The whole reason behind the trip was to escape . To get some good healing time away together. When something tragic happens in your life, you rarely get to take the time needed to heal and rest. We have a wonderful church family and they saw to it that we would, indeed, get some time away. We feel so incredibly blessed and are so thankful that they care so much about us! I knew that going to the coast wouldn't "fix" everything and that there wasn't going to be some big moment of, " ah-ha ! I feel so much more emotionally healed!" But I did know that God knew why we were going and that He'd meet

Just a few of my fav's....I'll blog later about the trip :)

And they say that kids don't know how to share....well, my son does. He shared his nasty cold with me, thank you very much! I forgot how exhausting it was to have a cold, while being a Mommy and wife. Shoot...I have no energy to do anything, including making myself presentable to the world. And for that reason, I have pretty much stayed inside my home all week, nursing this thing, napping while Jack naps and taking every moment that my husband is home from work to rest (thank you sweetie!) While I was resting yesterday, I picked up my Bible to do my reading for the day. I am reading The Daily Bible in chronological order! It is so neat to read the scripture in the order that it took place, it brings a fresh perspective to me and it's just a nice change. But I'm in that really exciting area of the Bible called Leviticus and Numbers...you know, the books that make you salivate for more. Ha-ha...j/k. I will be honest and say I have always loathed this area of the Bible. It fel

I never intended to write any of this on here. In fact, I was purposefully never going to mention "it" directly. I felt it was too private a matter (and it is private). I also felt that I was protecting myself from not letting too many people know how I was really feeling. So, I was content to blog about silly things like books I was reading and fun pictures of my son. Then I started roaming around in bloggerville and found some blogs that really, really stood out to me. One of those blogs is that of Angie Smith, her husband is the lead singer for Selah. I'm going to let you check out her blog so she can tell her story, but this is what has prompted me to post this. These past 6 weeks I have felt pain and anger and grief like I never thought I would. If you have not lost a baby before it was born, there is no possible way to understand the kind of grief that this is. It is completely different than any other kind, and cannot be explained. I have never doubted the will o